Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
