FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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