I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
