Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
