It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
