and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm like, not good at living.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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