Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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