Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
