Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
