So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
