Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
