I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
