I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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