so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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