this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
