the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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