Did you just see the Batmobile???
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
