DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
