hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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