Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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