Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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