Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
