So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
