Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
