this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
