Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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