Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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