The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
