awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
