that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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