Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
