I want to stick my p in your. b.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
