he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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