I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
