Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
