fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
