omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
