What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
