mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
