how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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