so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
