carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
