The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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