I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
