I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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