have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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