he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
