We're facebook friends in real life
I wish I could teleport
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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