Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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