I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
